Shedding

“You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no.” – D.K

Thank you, berlin artparasites for presenting me with this beautiful quote as it is something that does not come naturally to me just as yet. But i am trying.

A part of me is letting go of that which has brought me quite a lot of confusion but at the same time has given me so much joy that now i feel like that deep exhale you make when you’re tired after a long day and you have finally climbed into bed. That cocoon has to be constantly weaved, because every time you break out of it and fly around, there comes a time when it is just you again, which is something that if of course, both wonderful and heartbreaking. It has taken a lot for me to come to terms with the fact that sometimes, things actually do not work out, in spite of you and the world conspiring for it. Your world is much more than just you; its like catching a train in which you are genuinely admiring the scenery, but its only for that split second as its already gone before you can even blink.

please note; take everything in and experience it all.

(“look around, choose your own ground,

long you live and high you fly, the smiles you’ll give and tears you’ll cry

all you touch and all you see

is all your life will ever be”)

How to walk away without running.

External validation is something that usually lives in murky water, you never really know what you’re going to get unless you actually confront it. Are those flowers that are floating in the water, or is it something else that you see?

These are quite tricky situations, which have the potential to uplift or completely disregard your sense of self, with respect to others at least. 

So there are two choices. And unfortunately these are not those pseudo-I-can-choose-both-because-duality scenes. Make a choice and follow through. You can walk away or you can stay.

fun fact: i am not going to take this door and throw it in the water just because it is asking me to; I am going to open it with stability and absorb and be absorbed.

cold fact: this door may want to live in the murkiness that I mentioned earlier, as this door is a lot more than just a door, it is an existence in its whole.

fact: our actions and choices come a long way in defining our own sense of self; internal validation, and all that.

important: once you make your choice, try to do your best to follow through with it because this was your choice, and this is you.

P.S- “A man of character in peace is a man of courage in war.” (quote from my 2011 diary awyeah)

and the world spins madly on,

I envisioned interviewing a number of diverse people, such as a physicist, a biologist, a mystic, a mathematician, and then I kind of got the gist. I basically wondered how each of them would respond to the question of what do you think the world is made of. A physicist would say the entire universe is just atoms, or strings (according to the string theory) or vibrations and so on. A biologist would probably say its carbon, or even further a cell, they are the building blocks of life after all. A mystic would claim that it is all energy. Mathematician: its all numbers.What I’m trying to say is that everything is actually everything, which is also absolutely nothing. If I’m not mistaken the atom is 99.9% free space which is quite crazy when you think about it.
‘Speciesist’ is apparently an actual thing where human beings believe that they are more superior than other creatures, which eventually leads to the exploitation of these animals. I think that the very idea is direct related to an egocentric foundation, especially due to such a prominence of this ‘superiority’ which we assume. And I think that each creature is genuinely magnificent in its own way; I love horses for the way you can even hear the ground when they run and they look so strong and free. At the same time a peacock is freaking magical and I just don’t understand how they exist. Dolphins make me so happy because I feel like they are my jokers while ravens are so intriguing and silent and wow. A mantis is practically a ninja and worms can’t see light.
This world is something else entirely, and the i believe that the beauty in life is in knowing but also in not knowing at all.
There are always two sides to the coin, but the coin is a still a coin in its whole 🙂

One step at a time/Fanny’s feet

Since we are living, we are learning. It is a hand in hand process because everything that is happening is carrying so much information with it from which we can learn 10 fold and beyond. There was a quote I remember telling one of my friends about, years earlier; “Bad things happen to good people because they can handle it.” Now i don’t believe that good and bad exist, because its all on how you perceive it, but i do agree with the fact that you can handle everything, even when you cannot. Which is why its a beautiful life, because even sorrow brings so much joy, and vice versa. Which is why, you can always be happy, or be sad or be both together and apart and you can make your own emotions and cook with them and see what happens. (I trailed off a little too far there)

Either way, i have a week of hectic submissions and tests and presentations ahead, but this entire weekend has been like a splash of cold water for the workload that is about to come. So I am about to enter this very refreshed and motivated and work.

(I also like people as of now so there’s a fun update!)

Calmness and storm.

Bittersweet is a word that I would use to describe a majority of what I have been feeling lately. And in those moment which were not so sweet, it was such a calm bitter, and I realised it’s because I actually made peace with my part in whatever, and I made peace with the fact that things take time. There is so much more involved than just one individual in one situation, which can definitely be overwhelming at times. I have been taking a backseat in my head and just breathing and being my way through things.
P.S-Note that entirely laughing at the frustrating moment helps lots :p

I Wrote This For You. II

a very personal belief: respect. and unfortunately i find that quite a big lot of us have forgotten this beautiful quality, in terms of both self-respect, and the respect you give others. however messy/confusing/genuinely doesn’t make sense another’s side may seem, know that there is a context. however different we all are, our actions are justified to ourselves (upto an extent at least) and i believe that its very important to respect the decisions which cause the said actions, even if you don’t see it. remember, even our physical eyes are all individual in their existence ^_^

I Wrote This For You.

greed is something which will find itself clutching on to you only to realise that it does not need to anything as you are the one who is clutching. this greed goes on to complex characteristics, such as a person being selfish, and perhaps aggressive due to the latter one. the thing about this is that it is so subtle, and so basic in its existence. ah yes, one of those again. i feel that everything requires constant reinforcements, particularly when it comes to the person you are to those around, rather than who you are to yourself. because there is quite a large gap there, and it can rather diminishing to stay true to yourself when such a prominent external factor just induces itself into your very existence. theres a certain knack we need obtain, which is to break yourself away from this said situation and think in a way that is not impulsive entirely. it also has the elements of peace and calm to them. i believe that it is possible to hold true to yourself in a firm way without necessarily getting aggressive, nor selfish about it. which comes back to that, that big old greed. so i look around and see us all carrying so much baggage, and so much of it is just clutched on to for no reason. (ego maybe) but i guarantee you its a beautiful thing to feel free from so much that goes on in your head which you kinda want to pay attention to but you dont because its been overdue for so long you dont know how to deal with it. OR, the side of you that does not want to just overpowers the one. either of which ways, try to deal with your silence, and if you can do that, you can learn to enjoy it and it just keeps getting better there on. (it is also in the “about me” section, trying really does count. 🙂

“Live through this and never look back”. -Anonymous

You cannot force people to accept you, neither can you expect them to treat you in a certain manner. As long as they are aware of whatever, it’s their own choices.
Perception too. I can’t possibly expect everyone to understand what I’m saying or what I’m doing. But I can help the way in which I respond to all this, and the last significant interaction caught me too off guard. This was probably because it was due to something that is so insignificant to me, it’s appalling how it wasn’t “just nothing” to this person.
Either way, what I’m trying to say is that everyone surprises you, close friends, family, people who you rarely talk to can literally just walk up to you and say or do whatever.
Your stance may have wavered and you perhaps find yourself heading straight into a tunnel of pure confusion, which overwhelms the sense of contemplation. agh.
Light is on its way;
C’est la vie.

Exposure based closure

I would like to start by saying this: We all repress. Now firstly I have to state that I don’t believe in absolutism and what not, but when it comes to the above statement, my usage of the word “all” is quite justified. This is because I believe that it is so difficult to actually remember so many details in so many parts of our lives, and upto an extent there do exist those memories which are just easier to slide under the rug.

I recently remembered an image of me standing at the gate of my house. And that led me to another memory of me sitting on this pseudo-ledge outside the gate, eating milkybar at around 8-9pm, while my mom was exercising on the road and the electricity had gone so everything was dark and so peaceful.

So, as I wrote the previous paragraph, I took a break (i was in class when i was writing all this so oh well) and essentially, in this break, i thought over where I was heading with this post. And to be honest, it was not going to be very nice. This was going to be an attempted release to all the anger that has built up in me. Yes, again. I also understand that this outburst, before it was one, did occur recently, but unfortunately I have only but a small role in how I react to a range of external factors that just arrive like an army or a computer virus. Anyway, I am choosing this. I am choosing to accept what has happened and look beyond the concentrated reality of these instigating situations. Only because it has had beautiful moments which whether I want to accept or not, it has been balanced. but just not in the way that I expected, and I have to come to terms with that. And whatever said and done, the other side will almost always make sense provided you actually look at the situation from the other side perspective.