The past few days have been quite interesting in terms of the things I’ve heard and more importantly things I’ve been told. Ranging from the problems of a free market to depression, clearly I wasn’t prepared for all of the above’s impact. In fact, I’ve been wanting to do the exact opposite, have fun by distracting my mind to just be. Live. All that. But I find that every time you resist somethings, it persists.A friend tagged me in a picture on Facebook where it claims that the human mind is a trap, and all we do is overthink and then think more and well, things begin to seem meaningless, things such as existing itself. And maybe that is true, but up to an extent.

But no. I don’t think the mind is a trap. In fact, I think it’s probably the only thing that sets you free, even from yourself. Sure there are time when thoughts rush in with like a flood and its overwhelming but calm yourself. That’s why your body can take deep breaths and in turn your mind can breathe as well. There’s also the fear of not letting your mind wander to places, which according to me just enhances the fear of visiting them. Don’t be afraid, it’s just you. IMPORTANT QUOTE: What you resist, persists.

Nobody is okay, and yet we all are. We live our lives, the world spins, and so on. What about normality and its qualms. What is healthy anymore.
In my context: I love being strong. And I absolutely love being weak, with things breaking me and then overcoming them. Challenges, essentially. Being the underdog. The happiness feels worth it. But what I do, is I wait for the next one, and if it doesn’t arrive I create it myself. That’s a pattern I am trying to understand. Because I love it, but apparently it’s not very good for me.

Now coming to diagnoses. Another friend told me that I’m apparently clinically depressed. Because I like my sadness a lot and I grow from it and it makes me stronger and it’s comfortable. That can probably be owed to my scene with tragedy, always been a fan. But rising from that, is what it’s about.

Anyway, diagnoses. I also studied abnormal psychology for a semester and there one of the first things I asked the teacher, or rather she asked us as well, was what is abnormal? And what isnt? Turns out there’s a curve, where it people fall on the extremes of it, there is something up with their brain/way of thinking.

To these people: only you know what you’ve been through, and in that prospect only you can truly understand why you do the things you do. Loneliness in these terms is beautiful because it allows your identity to be free, and truly feel the strength that you possess.

Essentially, be you, abnormally and normally, alter ego and every aspect of your identity, it’s all you. The happy, sad, angry, mad,c’est toi! Embrace the party of being human.

The Real Ideal

It’s so multi layered, this concept of idealism. because, well, look at its definition itself. the unrealistic belief in, or pursuit of, perfection.

now add perspective to this, it gets quite messy already.

is it truly possible, is the question to ask here.

is this pursuit just fundamentally done for; are we striving to be someone who just lives in their illusion; is this real?

according to me, its a cob-web. where even if you spiral into the center and are about to delve in the cozy awesomeness of it, it pulls you right back.

to make it more complicated, its a number of cob webs, all of whose very epicentre is the same. the way you approach something is bound to differ as mentioned earlier, and here we see, tangled tangled messes.

there’s one thing thats great in all of this. that epicentre. i believe that that’s what this is about, spiralling right back out just to start over again.

My scene: I don’t think its necessary that something is right, or wrong, (what is that anyway?). Instead, its the way that i choose to work with these situations. Having encountered interestingly intense scenarios where a lot of clashes have come in the way, i have come to realise that people change, for sure, but their intrinsic epicentre, thats the same. its just layers of handwork or even masks that are added on to it.

i think a nice question to ask yourself, however cliche it is, is how you choose to define your crux. the thing that makes you, you.

its important to know how you work, what is your pattern? and once thats realised, there’s an important change or stagnation that will occur. are you going to break this pattern, still holding true to who you are,

or are you going to fall into an endless game of where the performer becomes the player, and suddenly you embrace the image of you instead of just being.

The belief that I hold is that if you become an embodiment of your crux, then thats probably as close to idealism as you get, if not wholly 🙂


it’s the choices you make at every given moment, in the present, that reflect who you are. here, there is an inherent and consecutive pattern that arises.

if you question why it is that specific path you take, and if it justifies itself to you, then yay!

if not, this is the important part. how you respond to that.

now what i have found is that if you consistently stay true to yourself, when thinking/responding to these situations,

then regardless of what you say or do or whatever it looks like, its actually chill.

the great part about truth is that eventually it reveals itself, and thats nice.

(life is quite cool.)