downer

and before you know it,

i’m aggressive.

i want to break glass and cut hair and get piercings just to throw it in the face of the world that i am free.

but you see this freedom is a loop of its own, it requires a feed without which it would succumb,

like how snakes deflate the bodies of a number of their preys,

and balloons eventually burst though they apparently just ‘fly away’,

i’m crabby, and generally just an ass to all those around me.

ungrateful, even for luxury, whereas complimentarily, i feel that even the bare needs are blessings of beauty.

sometimes, i love feeding the ego so much, ‘just so that it will leave me alone’,

whereas in reality it just gets more hungry, and demands more,

and suddenly theres another loop that doesn’t seem to crack and when it does,

i truly do feel free.

only to start this escalation all over again,

and this, the final loop of them all,

is the one im trying to break.

to actually not want to get out of the way and walk into this castle of pride and demand my own made up prize.

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